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I own a Mark McGwire Cardinals jersey, even though I'm a Red Sox fan. I wore this red road jersey to Halloween parties in both 1998 and 1999, when McGwire's light was shining brightest and his name and his image were associated with great things.
For a guy like me -- a redhead who looks like Ronald McDonald with a crew cut -- it was a cheap, easy costume.
Needless to say, I haven't worn that jersey in years. Not because I accidentally set it on fire during that 1999 Halloween party (although that's true), but because I no longer want to associate myself with McGwire, the man who broke Roger Maris' home run record in a remarkable competition with Sammy Sosa, but who's now more known for refusing to discuss his "possible" steroid use with Congress.
The jerseys we wear reflect our personality. They represent how we think of ourselves (a Red Sox fan; a Big Papi fan; someone who roots for players who are good, clutch, winners) and they say something about how we'd like to be seen by others. I mean, do you see a lot of fans in Buffalo walking around in Scott Norwood jerseys? Of course not. After all, who wants to cast their lot with that wide-right loser?
Unless you had the self-restraint of Mohandas Gandhi, you'd probably get in fistfights all the time for wearing a Norwood jersey. At the very least, you'd get some strange looks.
The same can be said for fans wearing the following jerseys.
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• John Rocker's Atlanta Braves jersey. What it says about you: That you like to run short distances for no apparent reason. Oh, and you're an ignorant racist.
• Milton Bradley's Rangers jersey. What it says about you: That your parents also named you something ridiculous, so you can relate to enigmatic, hot-headed lunatics.
• Adam "Pacman" Jones's Titans jersey. What it says about you: That you wish the team drafted some new felons.
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• Ron Artest's Pacers jersey. What it says about you: That it's go time, all the time.
• Chris Henry's Bengals jersey. What it says about you: That you're Chris Henry.
• Michael Vick's Falcons jersey. What it says about you: That you're a pussycat person.
• Derek Bell's Pittsburgh Pirates jersey. What it says about you: That, like Bartleby the Scrivener, you'd prefer not to.
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• Miroslav Satan's Islanders jersey. What it says about you: That you're a fan of a dying sport.
• Roger Clemens's Red Sox jersey. What it says about you: That you like 'em young.
• Eddie Kunz's Mets jersey. What it says about you: That you like fighting Philly fans.
• Terrell Owens's Eagles jersey. What it says about you: That you like fighting Philly fans.
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• Rae Carruth's Panthers jersey. What it says about you: That you're homeless.
• Denny McClain's Tigers jersey. What it says about you: That you'd rob your own mother.
• Barry Bond's Giants jersey. What it says about you: That you hate Hank Aaron.
• Pete Rose's Reds jersey. What it says about you: That you know he bet on the Reds, but you won't believe he ever bet against the Reds.
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• O.J. Simpson's Bills jersey. What it says about you: That you personally helped him reclaim some of his lost souvenirs.
• Art Schlichter's Colts jersey. What it says about you: That you like your odds.
• Randall Gay's Patriots jersey. What it says about you: That you're happy and carefree and good with your fists.
Cameron Martin writes for Bugs&Cranks and Comcast SportsNet New England. You can reach him at cdavidmartin@yahoo.com.
