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CINCINNATI -- The UFC held its boring weigh-ins Friday for UFC 77: Hostile Territory, and an R-rated flick broke out.
You had a guy in a Speedo. You had another guy naked. And you had another guy peeing into a cup in front of 2,000 people.
If the weigh-ins are this crazy, could Saturday night please hurry up and get here?
It started when Josh "The People's Champion" Burkman stepped onto the scale needing to weigh in at 171 pounds or less for his welterweight fight against Forrest Petz. Bad news: too heavy. The shirtless, shoeless Burkman dropped his shorts, revealing a pair of boxer briefs. More bad news: still too heavy. Burkman looked at the U.S. Bank Arena crowd, raised his eyebrows sheepishly and started peeling off his underwear.
UFC president Dana White was ready with a white towel, and with help from another official, they shielded Burkman's nakedness from the whistling crowd. Still, bad news: He weighed 171.5 -- one-half pound too much. A peeved-looking White gave Burkman one hour to find a sauna and sweat off the 8 ounces.
Soon thereafter, light heavyweight Stephan Bonnar walked onto the stage holding a small Dixie cup. Bonnar, needing to weigh in at 206 pounds or less, grinned widely and said he "may have to pee." Bonnar then turned his back on the crowd and pretended to urinate into the cup. Or maybe he did urinate into the cup -- they don't call him "The American Psycho" for nothing. Either way, he finished with the cup, handed it to the startled White and stepped onto the scale: 204 pounds. Good thing. No telling what bodily function he would have summoned next had he not made weight.
The weigh-in began with UFC announcer Joe Rogan, who has a gnarly tattoo running the length of his left arm, sprinting onto the stage and nearly falling on his face, though he's so goofy that it might have been just an act. Joining Rogan on stage were the UFC president and two UFC ring girls in skimpy attire, causing Rogan to yell, "We have Dana White and hot chicks -- what more do you want? Let's get this party started."
(It should be noted that while Burkman was nude, the "hot chicks" averted their eyes before stepping completely away from the scale.)
Hometown hero Rich Franklin drew the biggest ovation when he weighed in at 184 pounds for his title fight with middleweight champion Anderson Silva. With Silva (184.5) next to get on the scale, the crowd started to boo. Franklin repeatedly mouthed the word "no" and gestured for applause with his arms. The crowd begrudgingly did as told.
The only other fighter to get booed was former heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia, who is a menacing, mohawked presence at 6-8, 260 pounds. Fans dislike Sylvia -- he seems to enjoy the disdain -- but back stage other fighters were hamming it up with him before weigh-ins.
That includes Sylvia's opponent Saturday night, Brandon Vera. Standing about 20 feet apart, Sylvia and Vera watched the taped preview of UFC 77 being shown to the crowd on the giant arena scoreboards. At one point, the televised Sylvia made a comment about one of the fighters "going to sleep," which the real life Sylvia followed up by looking over at Vera and winking. Vera laughed and nodded back.
Soon they were stepping onto the scale. Sylvia got booed, but the crowd should have given it to Vera instead. He's the one who showed up in a pair of completely uncalled for black Speedos.
Where was Dana White and his white towel? I surrender.