Sonny's Side: Phelps not on 'SNL' medal stand

Which athlete was the best SNL host?   8%  Not listed     6%  Derek Jeter     12%  Michael Jordan     4%  Michael Phelps     70%  Peyton Manning     Total Votes: 1084

Since famous people often clamor to be my friend, I've always considered their appearances on Saturday Night Live to be the perfect initiation test to joining my posse. For instance, Alec Baldwin, John Goodman and Justin Timberlake are in, but, sadly enough, Paris Hilton needs to stay home.

Athletes, though, have the toughest assignments. Live TV can be unflattering on unpolished performers. And unlike on the field of play, when you're "Live from New York", there is no next week. You either score big or you bomb. My careful viewing of SNL over the years has led me to a list of three qualities of a good host:

1.) The ability to laugh at themselves and be the butt of jokes.
2.) Not being tentative. Being enthusiastic.
3.) Taking the time to prepare like an actor.

On Saturday, Michael Phelps put his name on the athlete host list. And while it did very well in the ratings, Phelps' performance wasn't all that memorable. At times he seemed tentative and nervous and he misread the cue cards at some key moments. In fact, after spending a month as arguably the world's biggest star, he was overshadowed by the inevitable (and funny) Tina Fey as Sarah Palin performance. Overall, Phelps' SNL performance was the opposite of his aquatic feats -- average and slow. He wasn't one of the best athletes on the show and not quite one of the worst.

Top three Athlete Hosts

1. Peyton Manning (2007): While I pride myself on handicapping the comedy potential of SNL hosts, none has ever surprised me as much as Eli's brother. (Al Gore was a close second.) He totally committed to setting up a realistic United Way Commercial before he began pegging the kids with footballs and taunting them (Peyton to a kid: "Okay, I'm sorry. Do you want to lose? I throw. You catch. It's not that hard."

Manning's deadpan delivery was perfect throughout the show and he has no problem poking fun at his lack of big-game production. While few actors -- let alone athletes -- get a call back, they have to consider reinviting Peyton and his Mercedes 550 Meatloaf Edition.

2. Michael Jordan (1991): "I don't have to dribble the ball fast or throw the ball into the basket ... All I have to do is be the best Michael I can be." Jordan's sit down Daily Affirmation with Stewart Smalley is the most iconic athlete moment in SNL history -- and one of the funniest, athlete or not.

Throughout the show, Jordan always seemed to be right on the edge of blowing it by laughing. However, it somehow turned out to be charming -- like he was one of us and enjoyed being part of the show.

3. Derek Jeter (2001): Any true Yankees fan is forever grateful that it was Jetes, and not A-Rod, that got a chance to tear it up for the hometown crowd. Athletes tend to shine brightest in prerecorded commercials and Jeter was no exception.

From his skit about Derek Jeter's Taco Hole, an offseason venture, to dressing in drag as Candy Soriano (Alfonso's wife), Jeter committed to the role and won over New Yorkers once again.

Worst three Athlete Hosts

1. Nancy Kerrigan (1994): The funniest thing Nancy Kerrigan ever said came from atop a float during a Disneyworld parade when a mic caught her saying that it was the corniest thing she ever did. She tried to explain during her monologue that she actually said that it was the "horniest" thing she ever did.

This line might have been funny, except that it was delivered by one of the stiffest and most awkward hosts of all time. The entire show was a "how-to" on hosting suckitude: monotone reading, stiff acting and what seemed to be an unwillingness to take the brunt of a joke.

2. O.J. Simpson (1979): Skit comedy of O.J. Simpson, the accused murderer, has long been a staple of the SNL writers. But when Simpson was one of the first athletes to host in the third season, he was far less funny. (Frank Tarkenton was the first, early in the second season.)

It started with a lame monologue of Simpson dressed as a Conehead and a parody of his Hertz commercial running through the airport. Luckily, the episode is better known for one of the funniest bits of all time, John Belushi's "Samurai Night Fever."

3. Lance Armstrong (2005): Armstrong has proven over and over again that he has more energy in reserve than anyone in the world. However, he had no plans to use any of it on the stage at Rockefeller.

His best skit was one where he entered a triathalon only to discover that he couldn't bike or swim. The worst? A disturbingly unfunny skit where he dates Horatio Sanz in drag.

Sonny Amato is a SPiN columnist and contributor to The Meaningful Collateral.