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DAYTON, Ohio (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- John McCain's surprise VP choice is a self-described hockey mom who appears ready and more than eager to "mix it up." After appearing with the GOP Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin entertained a throng of campaign staffers and reporters by removing her front teeth and raising up her fists, a pose demonstrating her determination to "bring the fight to the Democrats" as the Republican convention nears.
"This is one former beauty pageant contestant that's not afraid to throw off the gloves and turn the ice into a bloody mess -- if I have to," lisped Palin. "I may look like your garden variety PTA president, but as soon as the puck drops I'm not out there to be your friend. I'll rip your heart out," she chirped, smiling broadly to emphasize her missing front teeth.
When horrified McCain aides tried hustling Palin away from the throng, she clipped one with a sharp elbow and punched another in the face, drawing blood.
"This is exactly what Karl Rove and others like," said a GOP operative active in Alaskan politics. "While I wouldn't exactly call the governor a goon in the classic Dave Schultz/Ty Domi sense -- I mean, she does have nominal skills -- but she's not afraid to go into the corners and fight for the puck. And if the ref's looking the other way, you better hope you're wearing protection. I'm looking forward to the VP debate as many will be surprised. What she lacks in foreign policy experience, legislative experience, gravitas and name recognition, she more than makes up with poise, grit and character. The Governor uniquely combines the Old Testament toughness of a hockey mom -- which really plays to the evangelicals -- with the never-say die qualities of a beauty pageant contestant."
Showing solidarity with the pick -- and demonstrating a seldom-seen comedic flair -- Vice President Dick Cheney announced he'll be attending the upcoming convention in a hockey mask.
"I just hope I don't scare the kids," the Veep chuckled. "Though I've enjoyed scaring the hell out of their parents the past eight years. The fear in their eyes ... I'll miss that."
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