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Wednesday, my phone buzzes. Oregon offensive tackle Geoff Schwartz (our future Civil War camp counselor, who is currently awaiting his fate in the NFL Draft) texts me the following: "Hey man, I got an awesome article you gotta read. My offensive line buddies at Oregon made a calendar of themselves to sell at the spring game to raise money for heart disease. You gotta give them the beaver pelt."
This calendar (with pictures linked here) is awesome. The best quote comes courtesy of Jake Hucko: "My eyes are amazing. You can't teach that."
Schwartz reports they've already sold out of their initial print run of 250 calendars and have gone back for more. The only thing this calendar needs is more nip ... wait.
There can be no doubt, the Oregon offensive linemen are our beaver pelt traders of the week. As if that weren't enough, I no longer hate the Pac-10. I'm burying the hatchet on our feud. Like Chief Joseph, as the sun now sets in the West, I will fight no more. This might be controversial, I know, but Oregon is now my favorite Pac-10 football team. And by favorite Pac-10 football team, I mean I hope they're the last to slide into the gaping abyss of earthquake doom that is the West Coast.
As if this glorious calendar wasn't enough. I also have other great news to report, after a long walk in the wilderness, Frank Tolbert and I are now Facebook friends. The six-finger reality show is officially on track. It's a big day in the ClayNation column.
On to All That and a Bag of Mail:
Chris writes:
"Will Pan-Northernism ever exist?"
No, because people in the North hate each other too much. Status-conscious Yankees are too busy being envious of one another to root for people from the same geographic region. Everyone is looking for a small edge no matter the consequences. For instance if you live in the North, you want your neighbor to die so your labradoodle can poop in their yard without ever having to pick it up. Go to a mall on Long Island. I guarantee that not one person will smile at you the entire time you're there. Not one. Because everyone in the North hates everyone else in the North. So Pan-Northernism, like computers in Moldova, Chinese human rights or sufficient football scholarships in Alabama, is a pipe dream.
"Reader Eric Jackson writes to share his comparison of the Big Ten schools with European countries:"
Stellar work. A preview:
"MICHIGAN - Germany
"A rich history, tons of talent, but a tendency to employ leaders who are power-crazed, loud-mouthed lunatics and always seem to louse things up. Germany's citizens are always ready to tell you they're superior. When asked about recent history, they tend to get quiet quickly.
