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A few weeks ago, Barack Obama's chief strategist claimed that Hillary Clinton "will do anything, and that means anything" to win the Democratic nomination. The Clinton camp handled its response in the classiest way possible, telling everyone within earshot that Obama was an inexperienced maybe-Muslim who hates America, plagiarizes his friends, can't possibly beat John McCain, and is only popular because he's black.
Maybe I have the order wrong, but those things definitely happened in some fashion. Thus, it should come as absolutely no shock that the former First Lady (and her family's $50 million bank account) compared herself to the legendary underdog Rocky while campaigning in Philadelphia the other day.
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| Which 'Rocky' does Hillary's campaign relate to? 'Rocky I' or 'Rocky VI'? (Getty Images) |
Since Hillary's sputtering campaign will clearly do or say anything to get votes in Pennsylvania, she might as well go hard after one of the state's largest demographics: Rabid Philly sports fans.
So with a couple of weeks left to go before the Pennsylvania primary, and her campaign looking more and more like Apollo Creed's face in Rocky IV every day, here are a few lines Hillary can steal to appeal to some of the state's key voters:
"Unlike Donovan McNabb, I will be able to face enormous pressure without vomiting."
"Anyone who knows me knows I've never liked Scott Rolen."
"When I disagree with a fellow senator, I never hesitate to throw batteries at them."
"How much do Bill and I love the Phillies? Our daughter Chelsea is named for Chase Utley."
"Whenever I'm not feeling well, the only physician I trust is Dr. J."
"My husband may have had a Lewinsky, but I've had a Jaworski!"
"If you wouldn't trust Kevin Kolb to run the Eagles offense, why would you trust Senator Obama to run our country?"
"Senator Obama's favorite hockey player is Eric Lindros. Everyone knows mine has always been Bobby Clarke."
"I might be a woman, but I'm more of a man than Troy Aikman will ever be."
"Like Andy Reid, I am a natural leader. And not only will I help America make the playoffs, I will help us win the Super Bowl."
"If I become President, I will have Harry Callas introduce me before every State of the Union address."
"If you thought Reggie White and Jerome Brown were tough on defense, just wait until you see my plans for national security."
"Senator Obama went to the Billy King school of leadership."
"Unlike Senator Obama, I do remember the last time the Eagles won it all."
"I eat cheesesteaks four times a day. And always with cheese whiz!"
"I live in New York and work in Washington, but my hatred for the Giants and Redskins has been well documented."
"I'm not sure if you were aware of this, but Senator Obama is personally responsible for trading both Allen Iverson and Charles Barkley."
"Not only am I like Rocky, but I'm also just like that guy Marky Mark played in Invincible."
"If Michael Irvin was here, and happened to be knocked unconscious on a stretcher, I would stand and applaud!"
"Will Smith has always been my favorite rapper." (Note: This statement is likely true).
"Can Senator Obama spell the name of Eagles legend Alex Wojciechowicz? I know I can."
"I too will never forgive Mitch Williams for giving up the final hit of a World Series to a Canadian team."
"I'm going to do to Senator Obama what the Phillies did to the Mets last September!"
"Does Barack Obama mean Terrell Owens in Arabic? Not as far as I know."
