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| 'Fear the Apostrophe': A new Kentucky trend? (Provided to CBSSports.com) |
I'm not sure what it would be, but all suggestions will be taken seriously. I'd also live to give props to fellow apostrophe Hall of Famers Dre' Bly and Donte' Stallworth. Thanks to those of you who e-mailed to let me know Andre''s preemptive possession of everything could be challenged by those who came before him.
Next year I'm praying for a situation where Andre''s pass that was intended for Donte''s hands is intercepted by Dre''s quick reaction. I think 15 American copy editors would die when they saw this sentence.
On to All That and a Bag of Mail:
Matt Burkhart writes:
"I called the (Tebow cell) number just as the (LSU) game was coming to a close and of course it went to his voicemail and you can hear Tebow say, "Timmy Tebow -- is not available." He calls himself Timmy! I also send a text message that stated simply, Timmy!!! Geaux Tigers!!,. Notice the drunken comma entry at the end."
Timmy, Timmy? This is exactly like that Wonder Years episode where the cheerleader who everyone is in love with loses a tissue from her bra and everyone realizes that she stuffs her bra. Wait, no one else watches Wonder Years reruns every day on ION television? Me either.
Stephanie A. UF grad writes:
"I read what the Tri-Delt said about UF fatty arms, and I applaud her attempt to defend us. Personally, I have stunning upper arms. In fact I cut the sleeves off a new dress I bought today because it's actually a law here in Williamsburg that I'm not allowed to cover my upper arms unless it's below 20 degrees outside. UF has its fair share of girls who should probably burn all of their tank tops, but no more than any other school. I won't sit here on my high horse and claim our ladies are as hot as Ole Miss or Georgia, but we definitely aren't any fatter. And if I ever develop an eating disorder, I'm going to blame it on my tireless efforts to prove you wrong on this point. Plus, I hear all the girls at UT have unibrows and herpes. "You can say all you want about Tim Tebow crying. If you had money riding on it, you'd take a crying Tim Tebow in a fight over Erik Ainge any day of the week, assuming of course you like your money. Tim Tebow could beat the ----- out of Erik Ainge while watching Pretty Woman in a prom dress. He literally makes crying manly. Crying is going to be as manly as changing your own brake pads or killing a bear when Tim Tebow is done with it. And if Tim Tebow wants to have a good cry after he makes sweet, zealous love to me all over the 50-yard line, well then he can cry right into my pert naked breasts."
I'm going to be honest with you Stephanie. No guy reading this right now has any idea what I'm writing because he's still focused on the "pert naked breasts" line. I could start typing the Magna Carta now and no one would even call me on it.
Ray writes:
"Clay, I hate you. Your article on how to choose a college was incredibly irresponsible, and I wish I had never read it. I went to small school in the Northeast with a bunch of kids who were just like me. It was a comfortable drive away from home, with invigoratingly cold weather nine months of the year, no football team to distract me, same sex dorms that protected me from loose, unscrupulous women after midnight, and an overinflated tuition that prevented me from spending money on foolish, juvenile endeavors like spring break. Why? Why did you do this to me? How could you not start that article off with some sort of warning that you were going to make me cry right there on the toilet? I hope you get attacked by a mob of fat-armed Florida girls wielding Little Debbie snacks and lonely toothpick fish. Sincerely, Ray ----------
First of all, well played on the "I hate you." I think this is the first time that someone has fake-hated me. It makes me feel so fuzzy inside that I'm sorry I made you cry. Nine months of winter has plenty of benefits. Such as ... toothpick fish freeze to death, meaning you can pee in the rivers with impunity. See, I'm trying to make you feel better.
