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Speed cannot be taught. I am not fast. This is a bad combination. So bad that before I even arrive at the D1 Sports Training facility for a preliminary recording of my time in all the combine drills, I insist my wife accompany me to the Vanderbilt practice football field with a stopwatch so we can see what my 40 time will be. This is the same practice field where Tardio and I attempted the punt, pass and kick challenge.
It is late in summer and hot. So hot I'm sweating by the time I even arrive at the field. In doing so we've brushed right past a sign that says, "Fields are for varsity athletes only." I am not a varsity athlete. Not close to one. But I have allayed my wife's fears by pointing out that Will Bartholomew, the owner of D1 Sports Training, has told me I could pass for a D-3 receiver.
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| No one taught Devin Hester how to be fast. (Getty Images) |
At the end zone line I do a few "stretches." I have not sprinted 40 yards (or any distance for that matter) since law school intramurals at least four years before. My wife lines up at the 40-yard-line with her stopwatch. In the distance an actual Vanderbilt football player, a large black man, practices swim moves on a tackling dummy. Idly, I raise my hand in athletic acknowledgment, a sign of mutual respect. After all, we are football players, he and I, honing our skills in the heat of summer's late evening. The football player does not return my gesture. "Go," my wife calls out and I go.
My legs are pumping, my tennis shoes fairly skimming across the next-turf field. I am running, running faster than I ever remember running before. The warm summer air spreads before my powerful torso, my arms pump like the powerful pistons they are, my legs spring me forward like a latter-day Greek Olympian brought to life. I cross the 40. "6.4," says my wife, "we'll just call that one a warm-up." I'm out of breath. My legs are trembling beneath me. "There's no way," I say, breathing heavily, "that was a 6.4."
So once more we run through the sprints. This time I'm sure I'm setting the turf afire. That somewhere Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson is going to hear about the fleet old white man who is tearing up his field. That my football career is about to be born. "6.07," my wife says, "better."
Once more I go into the 40-yard breach. I fling myself and all my energy into the sprint. I'm flying, until, about the 30-yard-line I stride too far and lose my balance. Careening sideways, I finish the final 10 yards without managing to fall. "6.7," says my wife, "but you were going really fast at first." Twice more I sprint. Neither time do I break six seconds. My breath is ragged. My thighs, front and back, are locked up and already I can tell I'm going to be sore in the morning.
Sadly, this time is roughly accurate when I'm tested again before combine training begins. My trainer, Wil Santi, a former NFL Europe and arena football league player times me at a 6.16 on my baseline 40 of record. When Santi sees the time he sort of shakes the stopwatch as if, perhaps, one of the numbers doesn't actually belong. Nothing changes. "OK," he says, "you had to get loose. Go again."
I walk back to the other end of D1's indoor football field. There are few people in the gym -- it's the middle of the week and the middle of the day -- but I'm nervous about Santi calling out my time too loudly. As if people are going to recoil in terror when they hear my numbers.
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| Is Clay Travis related to the Slowskys? (Getty Images) |
"What's the time?" I ask.
"I got you at a 5.4 but I messed up hitting the button. No way you ran a 5.4." I believe this marks the first time in 40 history that the phrase, "No way you ran a 5.4," has ever been uttered because it's way too fast. So, winded and with my hamstrings tightening, I throw myself once more into the forty. And my baseline time is once again a 6.16. I'm nothing if not consistently slow.
Now my 40 time provides endless entertainment to the college players training alongside me for the NFL Combine. Often, one of them will pull me aside and say, "Bookman (this is my nickname adopted by all the players because I'm a man who wrote a book) what'd you run the 40 in again?" Whenever I answer howls of laughter follow. It's awesome. Really.
The other night I went out to meet up with former UT tight end Chris Brown and Purdue wide receiver Dorien Bryant. As soon as we got to the bar, after exchanging greetings but before I could even get a beer, Chris Brown said, "Bookman, tell Dorien what you ran the 40 in." I tell Dorien. Hilarity ensues. It's awesome. Really.
The day after I started combine training my dad came over to the house and pulled me aside. "If you're really slow," he said, "it's not your fault." Then he looked heavenward, paused for a few seconds to gather himself, and said, "Back when I played sports I was so slow they used to call me Turtle."
And now Turtle's son is officially a member of the 2008 D1 Combine Class. Sometimes miracles happen instantly. Other times they take 6.16 seconds.
EDITOR'S NOTE: The following is a press release from D1 Sports Training announcing their 2007 NFL Combine Prep Class.
D1 ANNOUNCES NFL COMBINE PREP CLASS
NASHVILLE, TN (January 22, 2008) – After producing two first round draft picks in 2006, and getting seven players drafted in 2007, D1 Sports Training is announcing its largest and most talented NFL Combine Class in program history.
For two months, 15 future NFL players will train daily at D1 Sports in Nashville preparing for the NFL Combine and ultimately the NFL Draft. The training regimen consists of three workouts per day, six days per week. The intense, integrated program will focus on performance of the combine drills by improving technique, speed, flexibility, strength, nutrition and off-field testing.
For the general public, D1 will be holding a D1 Combine Showcase on Monday, February 11 at 6 pm. All players will go through testing similar to the NFL Combine and campus workouts. Proceeds will go to Backfield in Motion.
2008 D1 Combine Class :
Dorien Bryant, WR – Purdue University
5'10", 176 LBS.
Caleb Campbell, SS – Army
6'2", 223 LBS.
Brad Cottam, TE – University of Tennessee
6'8", 270 LBS.
Weston Dacus, ILB – University of Arkansas
6'2", 230 LBS.
Eric Gray, DS - University of Alabama
6'0", 195 LBS.
Peyton Hillis, FB – University of Arkansas
6'2", 242 LBS.
Jason Jones, DE – Eastern Michigan University
6'5", 262 LBS.
Steve Justice, C – Wake Forest University
6'4", 285 LBS.
Ryan Karl, LB – University of Tennessee
6'0", 218 LBS.
J. Leman, ILB – University of Illinois
6'2", 240 LBS.
Kory Lichtensteiger, C – Bowling Green State University
6'3", 310 LBS.
Marcus Monk, WR – University of Arkansas
6'6", 218 LBS.
Frank Okam, DT – University of Texas
6'5", 320 LBS.
Geoff Schwartz, OT – University of Oregon
6'7", 335 LBS.
Craig Stevens, TE – University of California
6'4", 252 LBS.
Nick Solakian, DS-FS – Yale University
6'3", 222 LBS.
Clay Travis, CBSSports.com Columnist – Vanderbilt University
6'0", 180 LBS.
About D1 Sports Training & Therapy
D1 Sports Training & Therapy of Nashville offers expert athletic training and therapy for sports teams, companies and individuals of all ages and athletic abilities. The focus of D1 programs is to increase speed, strength and agility, with an additional emphasis on character development. Former University of Tennessee football star fullback, Will Bartholomew, founded the company and has recruited prominent professional athletes to co-own and launch D1 facilities. D1 Nashville is co-owned by two-time NFL & 2007 Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning. D1 facilities are currently open in six cities and co-owners in other cities include athletes such as Shane Battier and Philip Rivers. D1 trains youth, elite-level athletes and business professionals. For more information, visit D1SportsTraining.com.