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Miller's camping trip
TAMPA, Fla. -- I'm proposing a trade: Me for Alex Rodriguez. For 24 hours. Right now. A-Rod has been so eager to talk swap this winter -- Boston, New York -- this shouldn't be difficult to get done. His life for mine. One day.
What, you say? Why should someone like me even be allowed into the same parking lot as the great A-Rod?
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| Alex Rodriguez begins the transition to third base Saturday, taking grounders on Day 1 at camp.(AP) |
Take Saturday, A-Rod's first day of spring training with the New York Yankees. Practically before he even began pawing at the third-base dirt on a minor-league field to begin the transition, the Yankees whisked him into the Hideki Matsui Memorial Tent for his second major press conference in five days.
All the man wants to do is learn a new position and be one of the guys. This is different than Texas. A-Rod doesn't carry an entire franchise's responsibility on his shoulders, and he's thrilled with his new place in the game.
"I don't know. It's going to be a different feeling for me," Rodriguez said. "It's something I can't wait for. Being one of the guys is a role that's more fun to play. You can share the spotlight when you're winning."
But it's going to be difficult for A-Rod to be one of the guys, even if the other guys include Derek Jeter, Mike Mussina, Jason Giambi and Bernie Williams. They don't go under the big top every other day. My gosh, Saturday's news conference was attended by an estimated 150 members of the media and beamed live on ESPN.
Aside from Matsui, who conducted his own news conferences with the Japanese media in the same spot last year, the Yankees have not arranged special spring training gatherings for one of their marquee players in recent memory. Not when Mussina joined them before the 2001 season, not when Giambi joined them before the 2002 season, not after Gary Sheffield joined them this winter.
And oh, by the way, they've scheduled another news conference for Rodriguez following the Yankees' first full-squad workout Tuesday.
This is being one of the guys?
Is it possible for A-Rod to ever be one of the guys, even in this mega-watt Yankees clubhouse?
"I don't know," A-Rod said. "I can only control what I do. I can't control what you guys do. I'm humble. I come from a very humble background."
So, me for A-Rod. For one day.
He gets to fiddle around at third base in peace. He also gets the jacked-up car insurance bill from my, ahem, "accident" last September, he gets the two dogs and he gets the 12 hours I wasted last week trying to get an iPod running through a Windows computer instead of an Apple.
I get the mob treatment, the questions about my favorite New York restaurants and all of those good-looking women who keep hollering at him for his autograph and photo.
Which reminds me: This is a four-player trade. I get to keep my wife, A-Rod gets to keep his.
Otherwise, it will be just like Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places. A-Rod can even use my Jacuzzi.
"I've got to admit, I felt enormous pressure in Texas," Rodriguez said. "My passion for winning, I don't think it's healthy, to be honest with you. ...
"In an organization like New York's, you share that with everyone. I do my part, Sheff, Jason, everybody does their own part. Everybody brings something to the party and, hopefully, you win in the end."
This deal will be reversed long before opening day, by the way. You think I want any part of playing third base for the New York Yankees?
Heck, no. Not with George Steinbrenner standing by, ready to accuse me of staying out too late and partying.
No, no, no. If Rodriguez doesn't move quickly, this offer is off the table. This has got to be done fast.
A-Rod gets the Sebring convertible the heaven-bound lady at the rental car company signed over to me here the other day. I get A-Rod's fabulous Florida house, any leftover golf dates with Tom Hicks (the Texas owner can advise me on my slices and hooks, I get to tell him a thing or two he obviously doesn't know about baseball) and, of course, access to all of those gorgeous silk suits in A-Rod's closet.
He gets my four In-N-Out burger T-shirts and a couple of pair of jeans with torn knees.
"We've talked several times. He's here to win," Yankees manager Joe Torre said. "We pretty much do things the way we do them. I know Roger (Clemens) had trouble with that in the beginning because he thought I wanted him to alter his routine.
"We don't do that. We don't alter things, we don't want to take away anyone's personality, but we're here to win."
Shoot, the only thing Rodriguez ever needs altered is his Armani jackets. I mean, is there anyone more stylish, more pretty, more graceful in today's game?
Rodriguez fielded every question Saturday with aplomb, like Brooks Robinson scooping up grounders at third. Action News television, The Fan radio, the Podunk Daily News, New York, Boston, ESPN, didn't matter.
The most challenging part of moving to third base? Slow rollers, bunts and rockets, Rodriguez said, grinning. He also joked he has told Jeter to take every ball in the air.
His thoughts on Boston owner John Henry's trashing of Steinbrenner this week?
"I'm sure there's frustration, but they've built a wonderful team over there," he said.
His thoughts on being the game's financial poster boy? He was man enough to sign the contract, he said, so now he must be man enough to live up to it.
How much time did he put in last week working out at third base after the trade? Not much.
"I wanted to keep it simple," he said. "I didn't want to try and define the position. I wanted to come here very humble and work with Willie (Randolph) and Luis (Sojo)."
The guy is well spoken in two languages; his smile is universal. He looks his questioner in the eye, he often keeps his hands folded on his lap, he leans into the microphone to answer, he enunciates, he moves on to the next question.
And don't bother sweating over which might be the biggest of Rodriguez's challenges in moving to third base from shortstop.
"I don't see one, to be honest with you," said Luis Sojo, the Yankees' third-base coach. "We're going to see what he can do in spring training, but he's a young guy, he's talented and he wants to be the best third baseman he can be.
"He's got everything. You can put the guy in center field and you know he's going to do well because there's so much talent there."
It's almost enough to make you sick.
When pressed, Sojo finally decided the slow roller down the line is the one play Rodriguez probably will have to practice because "it changes your angle."
"But when you have that kind of arm, I don't think it will be hard," Sojo added.
As for Rodriguez, he says he doesn't yet know whether he's going to play a deep third base or a shallow third base. If he agrees to this deal with me, he gets one full day to slow down and figure it out.
So c'mon Alex, whaddaya say? The clock is ticking toward your next media briefing Tuesday. Torre said of all the big shots the Yankees have brought in during his time, you're the biggest yet.
It's going to get real crazy real soon, crazier than it already has been. You're going to need a day of peace.
One day. I get the covers of every magazine from Sports Illustrated to GQ. You get access to my entire CD collection and whatever that black thing is in the far back corner of my refrigerator.
Of course, even the CDs probably won't do it for you. I'm sure, either on the piano or on the guitar, you already can play nearly every song.
Miller's previous camp stops: Red Sox in Fort Myers