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Reputation:99
Level:Superstar
Since:Aug 23, 2006
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Q: What 2 things in the air can get a woman pregnant?
A: her legs
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Reputation:97
Level:Superstar
Since:Sep 21, 2007
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Dubya, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain are all on a boat in the middle of the ocean. It sinks. Who survives?
America.
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Reputation:97
Level:Superstar
Since:Sep 21, 2007
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A woman marries, has two children, and then her husband dies. She marries again, has another three kids, and her 2nd husband dies as well. She marries a third time and has another 2 kids, and her 3rd husband dies too.
Finally, the woman passes away. At the funeral, the pastor says to her brother, "At least they're back together again". The brother asks, "With who, her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?"
The priest responds, "I was talking about her legs."
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Reputation:90
Level:All-Star
Since:Jan 2, 2007
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Did you hear about the gay midget??
He came out of the cupboard.
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Reputation:99
Level:Superstar
Since:Aug 23, 2006
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A man is laying on his couch watching t.v. while flicking nuts in the air and catching them w/ his mouth. All of a sudden his wife walks in to ask him what he wants for dinner. As he turns to look towards his wife, a peanut that he just flicked lands in his ear. The more he tried to dig it out w/ his finger - the deeper he'd push it in. In walks his daughter and the neighbor's kid after walking home from school. Histerically, the mother tells her daughter and the neighbor kid that she has to take her husband to the clinic. " No need to take him to the clinic, Mrs.....I can get it out" says the neighbor kid. So he sits the girls father on a chair, sticks two fingers up the man's nose w/ one hand and covers his mouth w/ the other and tells him to blow really hard. "POP"......out comes the peanut. Overcome w/ joy, the man's wife screams out " oh thank you sooo much" and sends the him & their daughter into the kitchen for milk n cookies. She then turns to her husband and says...."that boy was a blessing....and he's so smart too"! " What do you think he's going to be when he grows up"? He turns to her and says " well by the smell of his fingers.....our son in law"
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Reputation:99
Level:Superstar
Since:Apr 21, 2007
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Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Little Boy Blue
Little Boy Blue Who??
Michael Jackson!!
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Reputation:99
Level:Superstar
Since:Aug 23, 2006
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A guy walks into a bar, pulls up a stool and orders a beer. He notices a sign on the wall that says " FREE DRINKS FOR LIFE - ASK BARTENDER FOR DETAILS". So he asks the bartender " What's that all about "? " You gotta pass the 3 TESTS " the bartender replies with an unamused look on his face. " The 3 TESTS?? Well.....what are they? guy asks curiously. The bartender then sighs and begins to explain the " 3 TESTS " to him. "Well you see that old jug back there covered in spiderwebs and dust? That's 200 year old moonshine. You need to need to drink that whole jug in 3 hours. That's TEST #1". The guys says " What?? You're nuts!". Bartender continues....." After that you need to go out back and wrestle that aligator in the swamp and pull out its infected tooth"."Yeah right, like that'll happen....pshhh.....you must be out of your mind old man"....the guy chuckles out. Bartender goes on....."Then you need to go upstairs and give the lady in the apartment an orgasm. She's 85 years old and she's never had an orgasm before......That's TEST #2". " No way , buddy. Just give me my beer"....he says in an unmotivated tone. " Doesn't surprise me" the bartender smirks at him. " No man has ever stepped up to the challenge" and hands the guy a cold one. Around 2 hours and 9 beers later the guy starts to get a little liquid courage in him. He calls the bartender over and slurs " I'll take your.....your....(hiccup)....challenge, gimme that stupid jug" The guy takes a swig and tastesthe nastiest, most potent boos ever imaginable. He fights hard not to puke. Still, he keeps on chuggin and at the 3 hour mark finishes the jug. " Atta boy, champ!" the bartender cheers the guy on. " Now go out back and do your thing!" The guy runs out back and immediately you hear a loud "ROAR" followed by sounds of a struggle and then a loud " YEEEEEEHAAAAWWWW"! The guy walks back into the bar, sweating his ass off, completely out of breath....looks at the bartender and says " Alright........( huff, huff).......where's that lady with the infected tooth"?
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Reputation:96
Level:Superstar
Since:Nov 5, 2007
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''How is a Yankee like a hemmorhoid?'
Neither one can spell three syllable words ... much less 4.
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Reputation:97
Level:Superstar
Since:Sep 21, 2007
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Yankee meaning a northener or Yankee meaning a NY fan?
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Reputation:98
Level:Superstar
Since:Jul 19, 2007
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