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Golf Humour


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- Golf Humour
Reputation:88
Level:All-Star
Since:Jun 10, 2008
November 25, 2008 3:26 am

I found this on the Cangolf website

Canadian Rules Golf

These rules only apply to Canadians or Canadian residents, sorry. Note: these rules may be applied, by those who qualify, to play on golf courses outside of Canada. Use of Canadian rules must be declared before beginning a match.

1. Winter conditions are judged to be always in effect, particularly in relation to improving the ball's lie.

2. Since all water hazards are presumed to be in normal Canadian condition, i.e. frozen, a ball striking water will have presumed to have bounced across. The ball should then be placed where it is judged to have normally landed after bouncing on the ice.

3. Since Canada is remote from the Sahara and desert conditions are not climatically consistent with the country's geography, sand will be considered an unnatural obstacle. The ball should therefore be placed away from the sand at a point equidistant from the hole.

4. Canada uses the metric system. Therefore, no more than ten strokes can be counted on any one hole.

5. A player may use only one club per stroke. Therefore, if the ball, once struck, hits a wood object then that second, or third, or fourth hit will be disallowed. The ball should then be placed where its natural flight path, from the first stroke, would have carried it.

6. Because of Canada's commitment to the environment, the ball must be removed from proximity to any vegetation which could be harmed accidentally by the player. This includes overhanging branches and nearby tree and/or bushes. Remember, it is only a game to you; but it could be a life to the plant. If in British Columbia, you must hug the tree after moving your ball to a less threatening placement.

7. When warning players ahead, players must simultaneously shout "Fore" and "Quatre" due to Canada's bilingual culture. Any player who gives undue emphasis to one language or the other may be penalized by up to un stroke.

8. Despite Canada's enthusiasm for curling, there is no sweeping allowed on putts in motion to improve distance or straighten their direction.

9. Given the winter conditions, warm up is extremely difficult. Therefore, the first tee may substitute for the warm. As many strokes as required to achieve a satisfactory result may be taken from the first tee.

10. A ball that can not easily be found will be considered to have been "lost in the snow" for which there is no penalty. The player must loudly make this declaration. A replacement ball can then be placed on the fairway where the first is judged to have landed. Note: to standardize playing conditions, this rule will be in effect all year, regardless of the presence of snow.

11. Recognizing Canada's proximity to the North Pole where gravity is stronger, a ball which passes over the cup will be deemed to have fallen in.

12. High scores in Canadian Golf are often identified in reference to local objects. For example, a 7 is a hockey stick, an 8 a snowman, a 9 is a lacrosse stick.

NOTATION:
To simulate the normal Canadian climate conditions, wherever Canadian rules golf is played, all beer served must be icy cold.
 
- Golf Humour
Reputation:99
Level:Superstar
Since:Feb 9, 2007
November 25, 2008 2:02 pm

Imagine the scores in the PGA if the rules applied that those!  WOW!  Even I could break Par!
 
- Golf Humour
Reputation:95
Level:Superstar
Since:Feb 9, 2007
November 26, 2008 8:06 pm

Now we know how Mike Weir won that major! I'm just surprised more Canadians have not won; are there any other Canadian golfers on tour?
 
- Golf Humour
Reputation:99
Level:Superstar
Since:Jan 15, 2008
December 5, 2008 12:55 pm

Holy crap!!  Playing by these rules, I may have had a course record this past season 
 
- Golf Humour
Reputation:41
Level:Rookie
Since:Dec 7, 2008
December 7, 2008 5:51 pm

haha, I like number 11!  If that rule was true, you could hit every putt to hard over the hole and it would count as a made shot.  Paired with the fixing the balls lie due to winter rules.  No wonder they say the beer is always icy...you are playing in Canada!
 
- Golf Humour
Reputation:18
Level:Amateur
Since:Dec 24, 2008
December 30, 2008 3:39 pm

That would be good. The only ones who couldn't use it is the pros.
 
 
 
 
 
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