JudgementDay

anecdotes from the past that tingle

OK, picture this sixteen year old with false proof of age, who goes clubbing in a state (New York) where the legal age is eighteen. I actually have to walk home because I don't have my driver's license, thank the divinities. I have spent the night in a "mixed race" bar listening to the best live R&B and watching the regulars dance like the demigods they actually were. I've been treated like the golden boy by one and all, and now the club closes down without my permission (3:00 AM).

Long walk on a fine summer's night. Crickets, stars and whatnot. Full moon probably.

I pass a residence on an an approximately one acre lot.  The milk weed plants have just recently spewed their spawn about one foot deep, all over the lawn.  Milk weed plants send off seeds sort of like dandelions. Fluffy like a cloud, and white. I pull my pack of Marlboros out of my pocket, and strike a match. I take a long hit. I see the lawn covered deep in milk weed fluff. I am sixteen, and have been bought so many drinks by my black uncles and aunts at the club that I stop to ponder the mysteries.

Will milk weed fluff burn?

Only one sure way to find out.

I light a second match, and throw it into the fluff at my feet by the sidewalk. It flames up at least three feet high. OK, maybe only two feet high. It spreads from the origin in a totally symmetrical circle radially outwards in every direction.

I stand at the vortex reaping what I have sown. First nanosecond: Wow, cool! Second nanosecond, as the flames accelerate towards all the homes nearby at light speed, and (trust me on this) at least four feet high. A veritable tidal wave of of destruction second only to Curtis LeMay . I stand there like some teenage a s s, shouting to nobody, "No, no!."

Nothing happened. No one's home ignited, I finished my Marlboro, and hiked onward until I reached here to tell this tale. As far as I know, no one else saw the spectacle.

anecdotes from the past that tingle

I, too, have burned things.  In my case, though, it was unintentional.  I was probably 15 or 16 and I had learned how to flick a match on the pack such that it would light as it was flicked and then fly in an arc to the ground.  I thought it might be cool to flick/light a match out the window as we were driving down the road near my aunt and uncle's house in northern Wisconsin.  We came back several hours later and there was probably about 20-30 square yards of charred brush from the side of the road up into the woods. 

My uncle asked me later "So, how's it going?  Anyone flick any matches out the window?"  My first thought was "How the he!! did he know?"  My second thought was "Lie!"  So, I lied and said "oh, no, sir, I have no idea how that might have happened".  Turns out, my uncle had come across my attempt to light the Nicolet National Forest on fire and managed to put it out.  I broke down later and admitted what I'd done.  He laughed at me.

To this day, I wonder "How the he!! did he know?"  However, I also have  to wonder what might have happened had he not come across my stupidity.  Having lived in San Diego during their massive fires a few years ago, I can imagine some pretty bad stuff.  As it is, it's just a story of my stupidity and nothing more.

But burning stuff is so friggin' cool!

anecdotes from the past that tingle

Who would have thunk that that match would stay lit when we were driving down the road?  Huh.

And it was probably more than 20-30 square yards now that I think about it.  It had to be a couple hundred square yards (it was easily 10-20 yards long, or more, and equally as wide). 

anecdotes from the past that tingle

Teenagers are freakin' nuts Badger, by nature. No doubt about it. But I mostly wonder about the so-called "normal" teenagers: The virgins and all those other weirdos.

anecdotes from the past that tingle

Teenage years! I have done some wild and crazy things as a teenager. Some things not so good, which I better not bring up. My goodness, those were the days.

anecdotes from the past that tingle

OK, I parted with my high school crew to start dating this very nice babe that..., anticipated my every desire. Several months later, I remembered my old buddies, I don't really know how or why.  So I decided to take my trophy girl to the old hang out to show her off.  It was an all night diner that my buddies and I used to attend after closing down the bars. We had this long-standing joke, where you ordered coffee, stirred it around with the spoon, then said to the guy sitting next, "Hey look at the fine rack on that babe that just walked in!" When he swiveled to look, you would lift the hot spoon out of the coffee and apply it to the fool's neck. He'd scream bloody murder, the crowd would stare, and all us insiders would beam in admiration. Of course, you could not get revenge for many, many months, having once been scalded.

So my babe and I go into the diner, and all the old crew is at the counter. I make the introductions, and bask in the glory of everyone climbing on top of everyone else trying to hit on her. Things finally settle down, and we order. I start stirring my coffee. My girl has no freakin' idea about the old prank. I just could simply not help myself. I turn around and say, "Isn't that your friend (blank)." she turns to look, and I zap her on her beautiful neck.  As expected, she shrieked holy hell, the whole place turned and stared at her in silence, and my old buddies and I roared in laughter at her.

She was somewhat unhappy with me, and she naturally responded by picking up her steak knife and throwing it at my face. Being two feet away, I tried to duck the knife. Fortunately, the girl had never taken knife throwing lessons, and the knife glanced off my throat, barely breaking the skin.

That turned out to be my first wife.

anecdotes from the past that tingle

Dawn's turn.

anecdotes from the past that tingle

JD, I take it you got out of your first marriage, all parts intact...given your first wife's penchant for knives???

anecdotes from the past that tingle

Dawn's turn.

Well, My first love broke my heart. He told me he loved me, but he was just one of those types that said if you love me you will. Thank God I wised up, but I have to admit, it took a while though. Teenage guys back then thought they really had it going on with their Curls, High tops, and many wanted to be like Vanilla Ice, LL Cool J, and others. What a joke.......

anecdotes from the past that tingle

Teenagers are freakin' nuts Badger, by nature. No doubt about it. But I mostly wonder about the so-called "normal" teenagers: The virgins and all those other weirdos.Hey - JD - I was one of those out-of-control teenagers too. Those so-called "normal" teenagers have grown up to be the closest things to the "living dead" I've ever seen outside of a good zombie flick.