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Updated March 6
Write a story like I did on Billy Gillispie, and the mailbox will look different than usual. Instead of scorpions and spiders, people sent me seashells and balloons. I'm sure some people like seashells and balloons, but me? I'm more of a scorpion-and-spider guy.
This week's Hate Mail could be a little bit tough. Hold me?
From: Amberlee Kempf
Thanks for writing this article. As the 2007 Overall Chair of DanceBlue, the 24-hour pediatric cancer dance marathon, it is tremendous for me to see people like Coach Gillispie embrace our children and cause. Thank you for sharing that story as well as inspiring others to give back.
You're welcome, but I feel rather uncomfortable receiving such a kind letter.
From: Verna A.
My daughter, Lauren, was one of the 500 UK students participating in that marathon. I can tell you that there was not a dry eye in the room by the time Mr. Gillispie walked off the stage. Thanks for sharing the story with the rest of the world.
Still uncomfortable. But not as much.
From: Vern
I'm writing with tears in my eyes. Thanks for the column on Gillispie.
Could I get used to this? I think I could.
From: John R.
I was all ready to get irrationally angry about a basketball game, Michigan State vs. Wisconsin, and then I read your column. That was a great column about the coaches and charities. Means even more coming from you. I mean this in a good way.
OK, the discomfort is gone. Enjoyment is setting in.
From: Grammy
I am a huge Duke fan and have in the past disliked you intensely for your Duke bashing. However, this article is beautiful.
My writing can be the bridge that will connect this fractured world.
From: Chris
You like sperm, don't you Doyel.
Oh. Right.
From: Jonathan Canoe
Your sperm analogy to NFL running backs just keeps getting better and better: In evaluating motility with most species, sperm are classified as non-motile, progressively motile or non-progressively motile. A progressively motile sperm swims forward in an essentially straight line, whereas a non-progressively motile sperm swims, but with an abnormal path, such as in tight circles. Seems like the distinction between progressively motile running backs and non-progressively motile running backs would be critical in the draft day war rooms of NFL teams.
That e-mail was so good, I wish it didn't have to end.
From: Jonathan Canoe
By the way, in your article you also partook in morphology. An important part of any breeding soundness exam is an evaluation of sperm morphology. In the most fundamental case, the size and shape of the head, midpiece and tail are examined. Additional information can be gained by evaluating integrity of the acrosome and sperm membranes. It is pretty apparent that you have a great future in sperm. Congratulations!
OK, that's enough.
From: CT Hoosier
CBS has become difficult to navigate. I click the hyperlink embedded in your name, and I'm treated to your user profile, complete with the wannabe Jamaal Tinsley photo. I had to bookmark everything Doyel, just so I can get back to it later.
You could always print out my stories and wallpaper your room with them.
From: CT Hoosier
Also, I have a picture of you and me from Atlanta that I would love to make my CBSSports.com avatar ... but I'm still considered an "amateur" so I'm not allowed to express such creativity. Tell the bosses I'm a savvy vet. Show the people you have power -- get me Superstar status!
Burn the picture. And the negatives.
From: csurpint
CT Hoosier frightens me a little.
Only a little?
From: Rocco
Why leave out the part of my hate mail that explains WHY I said your story on Kelvin Sampson was a bad job? About showing the kids who are so loyal to him why it's wrong to even make minor missteps to reach a goal?
It's true, I edited your letter. Truth is, I edit most letters. There's spelling, grammar, length. Not to mention my own artistic expression through hate mail. Basically you're the lump of clay, and I am an online Michelangelo.
From: Zane Bloom
My question for you is, how did Jeff Robertson beat you for the Joel Hatcher MVP in '86? You were robbed. At least you were able to make up for it by winning the MVP in '87 ... along with everyone else on the team. Did you all get a trophy for participating that year, too?
Someone actually clicked on that link of my soccer exploits! Maybe you'd enjoy the highlights of my baseball career as well.
From: Steve
If you're not sure Indiana as an institution is good enough for Dan Dakich, then please name one major men's basketball program that has gone the last 50 years without one major violation. You won't find one. But what do I know?
Not much, you idiot. Obviously you're overlooking cheatin' Kelvin Sampson.
From: Thomas Burns
I'm going in for an MRI on my knee tomorrow -- looks like a little surgery in my future. I'm trying to keep this out of the media because I don't want to drop below Leo Lyons on the mock draft boards.
Lyons, scalpels and Burns -- oh my.
From: Paulo
Come on, man, are you forgetting the real No. 1 pound-for-pound fighter in the world? Fedor Emilianenko.
Maybe he was once. Maybe he still is. But he has to fight somebody -- somebody under 7-foot-2 -- to earn my vote. Not that I have a vote. You know what I mean.
From: Trent
I just read your article on Gillespie. Are you sure you're OK? You haven't been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by a look-alike, have you? Either way, the article inspired me -- unlike most of your vitriolic spew that I find myself inexplicably attracted to.
Have no fear. I shall spew again.
From: Phil
This was the best article you've ever written. It truly is a testament to your abilities to write a quality story, and not just churn out your usual B.S.
Hey, thank you so very ... wait. Huh?
From: adel
First article of yours I've read. Keep up the really IMPORTANT stories.
I can't decide if you're being sincere or sarcastic. I'm going to assume sincere, which is good for you. Because if you were being sarcastic, I'd have to look you up and ... well, here. Let me show you.
From: Larry
Billy has written a lot of $10,000 checks -- mostly to buy players.
You make animal crackers for a living -- looked you up -- and you're making fun of Billy Gillispie? Re-evaluate your place in society, please.
From: Neil Dixon
Right on with the article about Dan Dakich. I have watched Dakich from the time he missed the potentially winning free throws in the state championships in Indianapolis back in 1980. You could tell how much he cared and suffered for missing the free throws but he didn't let it crush him.
Wait a minute. Dakich blew the state title game? All the times we've talked, he's never mentioned that to me. But he has brought up Michael Jordan a few times. Unbelievable.
From: Meg
I just read your article about Tom Brady and Dave Stachelski where you wonder: Where is Dave Stachelski now? Well, he's an electrical engineer student at the University of Texas, on his way to graduate school. If you would like to know more, contact me to get the whole scoop.
Sounds fascinating. I'll get right on it.
From: Dave
You make Mike Freeman look bad. You should write a book about working with Freeman -- call it Tuesdays with Dumbass.
Watch yourself, Dave. Freeman might be a dumbass, but he's MY dumbass.
From: Burton DeWitt
Since you haven't written anything morbidly offensive in quite some time, you may have forgotten my evil side. Here's an example of an email I just sent ESPN.com. It's fairly tame compared to what I sometimes send them, but it conveys my opinion of ESPN succinctly: "Your headline on the front page that 31 automatic NCAA Tournament bids are available over the next couple of weeks is utterly incorrect. Cornell has already wrapped up an automatic bid, leaving only 30 left. Please make this correction so that future viewers don't realize that you guys are the idiots you truly are." Now, it isn't great and if anything it is a cheap shot, but I'm sending you this to remind you that if you make a careless mistake again, which I know you will, I will jump on you with the good material I've been saving for just the moment.
You're cheating on me ... with ESPN.com? But she's fat!
